I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
