LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
