she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Less talking, more tequila
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
