i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
My bed smells like the plague
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
