Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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