I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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