he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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