Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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