I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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