Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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