Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
