dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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