You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
