When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
