hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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