i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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