Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
