I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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