U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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