let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
