just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
this will be a night to untag.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
