why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
