A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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