I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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