how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
