No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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