I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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