Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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