Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
