I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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