You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
