Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
