im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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