Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
