saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
