Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
