My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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