Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just gift wrapped bread.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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