Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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