Just fell off a train. Bad.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
