If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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