Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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