Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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