You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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