What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
