Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
