whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
