Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
