Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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