lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
