Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
