Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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